


I Will Be

by FinalDestiny13



Series: I Want to Ride my Chocobro All Day [6]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Dissociation, F/M, FFXV AU, Fem!Noctis, Gen, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, queen noctis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:26:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinalDestiny13/pseuds/FinalDestiny13
Summary: “Alternate Eos?” Prompto asked confused.“You mean we’re…in a different universe?” Ignis asked as he wrapped his mind around her words.------Based on an ask someone sent to expectogladiolus on tumblr. I couldn't stop thinking about it so this was the result.





	1. Chapter 1

She sighed, chin resting on her palm, blue eyes staring rather boredly at the closed door of the throne room, crossing one leg over the other as she sat on said throne, slightly glad she had no meetings today.

_Yet._

She frowned, blue eyes glassy though no tears were shed as the thought of her adviser passed through her mind. She missed him. And her shield. And her best friend.

She was finally Queen (had been for some time but it was official now) and they were not there to see it. To see their home restored, her coronation, the people happy that their Queen yet lived after the final battle with the Starscourge.

But at the cost of her three friends’ lives.

(Why did they have to die for her while she yet lived, scarred and slightly broken? It was unfair that she had to move on and stay strong without the aid of her beloved friends and comrades. No one else would ever be as close to her as those three were.)

Surrounded by people she may be, but never had she felt more lonelier than now than these past two years.

A heavy sigh escaped Queen Noctis Lucis Caelum, a long lock of raven hair shifting from the onslaught of sudden air only to fall to rest back on her cheek. She closed her eyes as she dwelled on long past memories of the adventures that her and her three friends had all those years ago. A tear unwillingly fell down her cheek as their smiling faces passed through her mind, yet to a passing eye she seemed to be sleeping peacefully as per usual despite the fact that her dreams now where anything but so. 

She was unaware of how long she stayed like that, perhaps minutes or perhaps hours, but her eyes snapped open when she felt a sudden shift in the air, causing her to sit up straight, fingers gripping the throne’s arm rests, prepared to give the hidden Crownsguard a signal at a moment’s notice, all on edge. Her blue eyes stared hard at the throne room doors, awaiting any sudden movement.

Just one quick second of her blinking before suddenly there was three figures huddled together in the middle of the large room, looking beaten, bloodied, and bruised. Her blue eyes widened upon realization, recognizing them in an instant, before going hard, lips curling in anger. 

“Who dares to trick me?” she stated quietly, staring harshly at them, but voice seeming to boom loudly in the otherwise silent room. 

The three men stared at her in awe and sorrow, Gladio’s voice low as he whispered to Ignis what was happening, before three achingly familiar voices began to ramble at once. 

“SILENCE!” she snarled, the three falling into a hush as she stood from her throne. In her hair was the familiar thorn crown that Regis used to wear, seeming to pin some of her dark hair away from the right side of her face, the rest of her raven hair long, tips nearly brushing the floor as she stood, wavy, with short bangs nearly obscuring her familiar blue eyes which stared at them in anger and hate and anguish. She wore what they last remembered their King to be wearing, the Royal Raiment, before it was destroyed in his final battle with Ardyn. Black heels adorned her feet, the heel itself sharp enough to do damage if she so wished. Around her neck lie two familiar necklaces and around her bare wrist was familiar leather cuff, the three items contrasting with her otherwise royal outfit. 

Heels clacked loudly in the empty room as she walked down the steps, body tense as she prepared to attack if she so chose, the three men disentangling themselves as she neared them, never lifting a finger towards her as they took in the familiar yet also strange fighting form that was Noctis. She paused before them, her left hand up in a pause motion as she stared at something behind them. 

“Leave us,” she commanded to the unseen guards before speaking once more when she was sure they were alone, her hand dropping back to her side, fingers curling into her palms as they turned into fists, skin going white as she demanded they explain themselves else she would have them killed on the spot.

Prompto and Gladio looked towards Ignis, the man feeling their gaze as he cleared his throat, his one blind eye blinking before he spoke, explaining their final battle in full detail with help from Prompto and Gladio. The two watched as she nearly broke as they revealed details that only the four knew. 

She shook her head, face shifting into one of anger once more as her eyes became wet with tears she refused to let fall, refusing to believe this was happening. She lifted her left hand, Engine Blade appearing from her Armiger, about to step forward before she faltered as a bark echoed from out of nowhere.

“Umbra buddy!” Prompto stated with a frightened laugh, feeling delirious about their current situation. They watched as the canine sat between the Queen and the trio, facing her, whining, with his tail wagging slowly, ears low. The two seemed to have a silent conversation that they only understood before the Royal Queen fell to her knees, Engine Blade disappearing as she wrapped her arms around Umbra’s neck, staring at the three men in awe and anguish and fear and hope. 

“Umbra says…that in order to save you….I,” she paused with a sniffle. “No, your King, wished Umbra to bring you somewhere safe as his final wish before his death. An alternate Eos seemed to be Umbra’s safest bet.” 

“Alternate Eos?” Prompto asked confused. 

“You mean we’re…in a different universe?” Ignis asked as he wrapped his mind around her words.

With a quick squeeze to the canine and a kiss to his head, the Queen stood with regal grace, a finger lifting to wipe the tears away before standing before the three. She glanced down at the canine, a small smile (the first in years) appearing on her face. “It is one of his abilities. After all, he used to take me back in time to escape for a little while during our journey…my journey.”

“He can do that?” asked Gladio, looking at the dog wagging his tail happily as he sat beside the Queen’s feet. Umbra barked, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he panted happily in response. 

“Wait…if we’re here,” Prompto gestured to himself and the other two men. “Does that mean…?” he trailed off.

Noctis looked at him with sad yet kind eyes. “Yes Prompto. This Eos’ version of you three died two years ago,” she stated quietly, eyes glassy once more. 

He teared up. “You’ve been alone? All this time?”

She laughed brokenly. “Can’t really be alone when surrounded by people constantly.” 

They could all hear the lie loud and clear. She was surprised when the bloodied, bruised and beaten blonde tackled her into a hug, arms winding themselves tight around her form as he cried for her, for them, for everyone and their cursed fates. Noctis could not help but break down as well, uncaring of the mess he made of her outfit, mourning the loss of her friends but mourning these three the loss of their King, her male self in their timeline. It wasn’t long before Gladio and Ignis joined in, the four all crying together at their losses, Umbra watching over them all the while. 

“Come,” Queen Noctis spoke after some time. “Let’s get you boys cleaned up, fed, and rested. Then we can talk if you so wish.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” the three chimed. She shook her head. 

“Call me Noctis…or Noct. Anything but that. Please.”


	2. Chapter 2

Noctis paced back and forth in her chambers, teeth nibbling at her thumb as she awaited the arrival of the three men that were but not her friends. She had changed out of her royal garments into something more casual, a dark blue shirt with a large black skull printed on the back and dark blue jeans that were long enough to nearly cover her now bare feet. Her long raven hair had been pulled up into a bun, the leather cuff missing from her wrist as it was what was holding her hair up now. 

It had become a nervous habit she developed after the events of two years ago. Umbra barked softly, his body brushing against her legs as he glanced up at her in slight worry. Dropping her hand, she bent down, hand now rubbing the canine between his ears. 

“I’ll be alright boy. I mean, I’ve been alright thus far, no?” 

Umbra barked, leaning up to lick her face with glee.

The three boys entered at that moment, led by one of the servants whom paused as the room was filled with sudden giggling as Umbra tackled her to the ground to lick her face. The servant gasped in shock and awe, explaining that they had never heard nor seen the Queen like so before, causing the men to frown sadly. 

“You have our thanks,” Ignis stated to them before Prompto grabbed his arm and led him over to the giggly Queen. 

“Atta boy,” Gladio chuckled as he stepped closer. Umbra barked, tail wagging happily as he finally let up, Noctis lifting herself up by her elbows, glaring half heartedly at the canine, a small smirk on her face. She blinked as a large hand invaded her vision, blue eyes glancing up to see the Shield. She hesitated a moment as she lifted her hand, her fingers slightly touching Gladio’s palm, still unsure if he was real, believing this to still be all a rather unforgiving dream. He waited patiently, grasping her small hand in his once she was ready and sure, easily lifting her to her feet. “Very undignified of you, Queen Noctis,” he grinned. 

She gave him a shaky smile, blue eyes staring at him, her disbelief clear as day. “Is it alright if…” she trailed off, suddenly unsure. 

“Spit it out already.” The words were harsh but his tone was anything but. It was kind, soft, gentle. 

Instead of speaking, she lifted her hands, her fingers trailing across his face lightly, Gladio’s eyes closing to half mast, though he was confused. 

A soft ‘oh’ escaped Prompto, his eyes darting between the shield and Ignis, connecting the dots first. “Did your Gladio lose his sight instead?”

Ignis gasped as Gladio held his breath as she stilled. 

“Yes. He took it very badly, as did you I imagine.” She stated, glancing at Ignis, dropping her hands from Gladio as she stepped in front of him now.

“At first,” Ignis nodded. “I’ve grown used to the darkness however.” He nearly jumped as small hands grasped his own to set them on her face, silently asking Ignis to go ahead and ‘see’ her. She closed her eyes as his fingers softly trailed over her face, ‘meeting’ the Queen. His thumbs felt the tears as he went over her eyes, but wisely said nothing as he continued with his touch. 

“I know I’ll never be the Noctis you three knew, and you’ll never be the three I knew, but if it’s alright with you, I’d like to try and find that friendship we had with our versions. Umbra sent you to me for a reason I believe,” she spoke softly, nearly sighing as thumbs brushed across her lips. She closed her eyes, leaning into Ignis’ hands as they trailed up to her hair, fingers softly scratching her scalp as he investigated the strands. 

“Fine with me,” Prompto chimed happily. 

“Careful Iggy. She might fall asleep on you by the looks of it.” Gladio crossed his arms with a grin.

“How long is your hair?” Ignis asked as he felt her bun, causing her to laugh as she leaned back, grabbing one his hands lightly as she lead him over to one of her chairs, telling him softly to sit. 

“The tips brush the floor. Never trusted anyone to touch my hair for some time now.” She shrugged as she gracefully folded her legs as she sat upon the tiled floor between Ignis’ legs, pulling off the leather cuff, fingers fiddling with it as her hair fell around her form. “Resume,” she commanded.

“Noct’s pouting Iggy.” 

“Do as the lady asks.”

Ignis did as told, Noct’s eyelids falling shut as she finally, truly relaxed at the familiar but not quite so action. Different they may be, but it was still Ignis and he was one of the few she completely trusted to do something like this. One eye peeked open however, to gaze at the other two who stood still. “Sit. I care not of where you do.”

Prompto seemed to rush forward to sit by Noct’s side, only to lay his head on her lap, surprising her but getting a smile out of it, grinning back at her. Gladio, unlike Prompto, took his time as he walked over to sit beside her, his arm brushing her own as he plopped down on the floor, his back reclining against the chair Ignis occupied. Umbra trotted over to lay his head on her feet, tail wagging lazily as he proceeded to nap. 

It was easy for them to settle into a routine it seemed, despite recent events. “Tell me about your King?” she asked, fingers trailing through blonde hair. She was curious to know differences and similarities, telling them as such.

“I first met him when we children,” Prompto began, hands gesturing as he proceeded with his tale. 

* * *

“Strange, is it not?” Ignis whispered once Gladio told him the two had fallen asleep. He could have guessed himself, by the heavy weight against his legs and the sudden quietness of Prompto but it was nice to have that reassurance. 

Gladio huffed. “Tell me about it. Who knew the mutt could do something like this?” He watched as said dog wagged his tail once before stilling.

“Two years for her whereas it has been hours for us. Maybe on our end, perhaps we are moving too fast but, I feel guilty that I already want to protect her like we did for him. Yet I do not wish to tarnish his memory, not that I believe we are. Still feels like it.”

“Yeah.”

Ignis sighed, fingers trailing through raven hair, gaining a sigh and small snore from the Queen causing the two to chuckle. “Then again, I may be thinking too much and we should just let things play out. But we should not neglect ourselves and should mourn for our friend as well.”

“Agreed. Think it’ll be as easy as it has been so far?”

“Not at all. I mean, Queen Noctis? That’s different. I may be blind, but I know you’ve been staring Gladio.” He smirked.

He didn’t deny it. “You may be blind but you sure took an awful long time trying to ‘see’ her, Iggy” he quipped back, effectively wiping the smirk off his face. 

“Go to sleep Gladio,” he grumbled, getting a low chuckle from the man. 


	3. Chapter 3

Blue eyes fluttered open, only to close as a yawn took hold of the Queen. Blinking tiredly, she first saw the ceiling before brown caught her eye, tilting her neck (and wincing as it was stiff from staying in one position for too long), gaze catching sight of a just now waking Ignis, whom was disturbed by the small movement. 

It didn’t matter that this was not her Ignis. He was still a light sleeper it seemed.

“Noct,” he murmured, aware the other two were still dozing. 

She couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips, glad that this was not one of her daydreams. They were here. 

_Real._

But they still weren’t _hers._

“Ignis,” she replied softly, blinking back tears. She noticed his small frown though he wisely said nothing, knowing this was just as hard for her as it was for them. Their battle may have been hours ago, but for Noctis, it had been two years since her companions had died for her. It may still be a shock for her, her ghosts come to life, albeit alternate versions of them.

Frankly, he was amazed that she was taking this so well in stride. Then again, Noctis was Queen and seemed to have experience in not letting much phase her. At least not outwardly. 

He’d have to have Gladio keep an eye on her for him, just in case. 

He felt the strands of hair glide between his fingers as she righted herself, her neck cracking as she tilted it side to side with a sigh to ease the stiffness. He heard her deep breath before sighing with what seemed to be affection. 

“My legs are asleep.” He could just imagine the pout she had.

“Then stand?” he suggested lightly.

“Not when Prompto looks so peaceful and content.” She ran her fingers through his blonde locks, laughing softly as he huffed with a sigh, burying his face into her stomach as an arm wrapped around her waist, a small snore escaping him as he fell further into a dreamless sleep. There was a small part of her brain that said to hug him and never let him go, but she dismissed such a silly notion. 

She had missed this. Missed letting people get close enough to touch her. But there was not many people she trusted to get close enough to without wanting something in return. Yes, there was a few close friends that she had made during her journey all those years ago, but never anyone as close to her as those three had been. 

“Ah yes. He does look rather child like when he sleeps, doesn’t he?” Ignis mused.

“Must be dreaming about Chocobos or photography. Perhaps a combination of the two?”

“Most likely.”

Their attention was caught by a light tapping on the closed door. “Enter,” Noctis called, causing Gladio to stir though he made no effort to move from his current position. 

“Excuse me, my Queen,” began the male butler. “But I have been informed that the General has returned.”

Noctis seemed to perk up at that bit of information. “I suspect they are at the training grounds?”

“Correct.”

“I will meet them there then.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” he bowed before exiting as he was dismissed, door shutting quietly behind him. 

“Who’s this General?” Gladio questioned, standing and stretching with a groan. Noctis definitely did not pay attention to the rippling of his arm muscles and tattoo. She was definitely focused on waking Prompto up, rather reluctantly. 

“What’s goin’ on?” yawned the blonde.

“Come. Meet my General,” was all she said.

* * *

 After having watched the Queen hop around on one foot as she pulled socks and boots on (which was a rather entertaining sight), the three followed her to the training grounds, glancing around at the Palace as they went, Gladio and Prompto taking turns describing it to Ignis of the small differences, but overall that it was a light, comfortable, and welcoming atmosphere without that underlying sorrow that once dwelt in their own home. 

The closer they got to the training grounds, the more livelier the Queen seemed to be, a stark contrast to the one they had been seeing thus far. 

“Who’s this General you’re so excited to see?” Prompto asked, walking alongside Noctis. He ignored the gasps and glares from passersby as he did so, his attention focused solely on her. Besides, she didn’t seem to mind it. 

She smiled brightly at him, halting his breathing, her blue eyes twinkling in delight. “They’ve been gone for months now on a training excursion with the new round of troops and have finally returned.” She suddenly grinned, eerily looking like his best friend when he was up to no good. “Now I can kick their ass.”

“What for?” Gladio asked, curious and interested in meeting this General. 

“Being a dick,” was all she said causing the behemoth of a man to laugh loudly, the other two chuckling. 

They could see a small gathering of people as they neared the grounds, the sound of weapons clashing against one another echoing in the air. Noctis seemed to grow more energized as they neared, the boys seemingly becoming effected as well with the thrill of a fight. One bystander caught sight of the group, whispering to the person next to them before suddenly the troops were turning around and paying more attention to the Queen than the sparring going on. 

They bowed their respects as she neared, Noctis greeting them all with a hello as she turned her focus towards the spar, blue eyes gazing at the taller of the two men in the middle of the ring. He had struck down the solider, the tip of his lance pointed at the young man’s throat. He sighed heavily, unaware of the royal audience. “Did all that training teach you nothing? Straight up rushing someone like me with a weapon like mine is a sure fire way to become a shish kabob immediately. Back to three months training for you rookie.”

“But sir-!”

“The only asses here are the General,” chimed Noctis with a grin, the crowd gasping as the General turned with a glare only to disappear and morphed into a grin as their gaze landed on her. 

“Well, well. If it isn’t Her Royal Bitchiness,” he mock bowed, the gasping growing louder before a hush fell, seeing what the Queen would do.

She tsked. “Fuck off.” 

“What the fuck?” whispered Prompto, blue eyes glued to the General. 

Said General finally took notice of her company, surprise and suspicion lighting their eyes. “Do my eyes deceive me or is that..?” he trailed off at her look. 

“Come, General Highwind. We have much to catch up on.”  


	4. Chapter 4

“So you’re telling me that these three are from a different Eos?” 

“Yes Ari.”

“And that I have a female counterpart there named Aranea? And that there was a King Noctis?”

The Queen sighed heavily once again, hands rubbing her face in irritation. “For the final time,  _yes_.”

Ari crossed his arms, the other four just staring at him. He shrugged. “Alright then.”

“Just like that, you’re believing us?” Prompto questioned. 

Ari turned to give him a blank stare. “Has to be, otherwise the Queen and I are having one hell of a delusion seeing ghosts.” He turned his attention back to Noctis. “You realize that the others are going to have a hard time with this, right?”

“And you think we’re not?” She motioned to the three quiet men, a slight pained but tired expression on her face. “It has been mere hours for them, half a day at best, whereas we have had years to mourn. Don’t make it any harder than it has to be for them Ari.”

“As you wish, my lady.”

“You’re excused to go back and tormenting the troops as per usual.”

He chuckled. “My favorite past time.” He bowed before taking his leave with a final glance at the three men, door closing softly behind him. 

“Glad to know that despite being male, they essentially have the same personality,” Ignis commented lightly, the others chuckling. 

“You have my sincerest apologies for his rudeness. Ari has become very protective of me since everything as I was not in the best state of mind when he found me once the darkness had finally lifted.” She seemed to dwell in thought, zoning out, expression pained and lost.

_Dead. They were dead. And she was still alive. Crying. She heard screaming, only to realize it was her own. She couldn’t stop herself, silence befalling her surroundings as her voice became hoarse from overuse. She cared not of the sun finally breaking the darkness as it made everything worse as she could clearly see their broken and bloody forms._

_She crawled over to them, legs seeming to give up on her, uncaring of the blood that stained her skin and clothes._

_Her boys._

_Her precious and beloved boys were gone._

_And she was the sole survivor._

_She was bruised, bloody, and broken._

_Very broken._

_What was she to do now?_

She jumped, startled, as she felt warm, large hands land on her shoulders, breaking her out of her memory. 

“You’re crying,” Gladio stated softly. 

She blinked, fingers reaching up to wipe away the wetness on her cheek, confirming his statement. Noctis sniffled, hastily drying the tears, eyes closing as she gathered herself together. Now was not the time for such thoughts. She had to ease these three into their new surroundings and be sure they didn’t go into shock. Perhaps it was best if she waited a few more days before possibly introducing them to anyone else. 

“Well then, that’s enough surprises for the day I think. You are welcome to explore the grounds at your leisure. Should anyone give you trouble, tell them to come complain to myself or Ari. I must go sign paperwork that I have been putting off to the side for far longer than I should. Please excuse me.” Noctis nodded at the three with a small yet fake smile, blue hair flying through the air as she turned and exited, the three finally being left alone together since their arrival to this alternate Eos. 

“That was quite the lie and very much unlike the Noctis we knew,” Ignis commented quietly. 

“Hell of a difference, huh?” Gladio mused, sitting down in the seat that the Queen had recently vacated. 

“She’s so formal. Just the way she speaks…it’s all just so strange and different.” Prompto flopped down on the floor, lying on his back and stared at the ceiling. “But she’s so pretty.”

“Ah,” Ignis grinned. “There’s our Prompto.”

“I’m surprised the little guy hasn’t stumbled over himself.”

He blushed, freckles darkening due to the red flushing his face. “Sh-Shut up! It’s still Noct.“

“In essence, yes. But we must remember that the Noct we knew may not, and most likely will not, be the Queen. We should do our best to stop comparing the two and instead grieve the friend we have lost while getting to know her.”

“Easier said than done, Iggy.” Gladio paused. “Think there’s an Iris here?” he asked quietly, gaze sad as he thought of his little sister and how they may never see each other again.

“I would say most likely, but do not get your hopes up Gladio. Who knows how this Iris would react.”

“I imagine that she would punch him in the face,” Prompto stated.

Ignis shook his head, though he did smile. “Possibly but let us not assume that this Iris will be female. For all we know, this Gladio could have had a brother. Or no sibling at all. We’re in a different world now that we know little about. Some events may have stayed the same, such as Ardyn, but that does not mean that the people have. Different people, different experiences, different scenarios. They only thing we can be sure of is that the four of us were together through our respective journeys. Perhaps we should focus on reestablishing such a bond as there is no guarantee that Umbra would send us back home.”

They fell into silence, each dwelling in their own thoughts before Prompto softly interrupted it.

“I don’t know about you two, but I don’t think I can leave. Not when she looks and seems so lost and lonely.” He teared up. “To think there’s a Noctis that’s all alone,” he trailed off before continuing. “It really hurts my heart. I want my best friend back but it won’t happen, so why can’t I be hers? In some way, she’ll get her’s back. Right?”

There was no response. 


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, she may have lied about doing paperwork. The paperwork was real, and something she had to do at some point honestly (maybe sooner if anyone had the nerve to force her to do it,  _as if_ ), but the Queen needed a few moments to herself, thus she started to head to her room to get the most privacy. She had kept her nerve so far, but she could feel it cracking bit by bit the longer she was around them.

Noctis didn’t know if she wanted to cry, punch, or kiss them all. Possibly a combination of all three.

Given, they were not  _her_  Ignis, Gladio, and Prompto but it was still them in everything that mattered. She  _loved_ them.

It wasn’t until she lost the three that she realized how much she was  _in_  love with each of them, feelings she always struggled with yet had concealed with ease. Ignis may have had a suspicion but he never brought the subject up and neither did she, but there was always some sort of underlying tension between her and the three males. A tension that all ignored and never really acted upon. It wasn’t until she had come back after her twelve years of being trapped in the crystal that they confessed their feelings to her, seeming to have discussed the topic while she was gone.

Overwhelmed, she had cried and confessed her feelings as well, the three men hugging her in comfort as they mourned the time they lost due to their own fear of rejection. 

She had kissed each of them full of desire and sadness before saying her final goodbye, having defeated the Starscourge and now on her way to summon past Kings to truly defeat Ardyn in the afterlife, sure that she would not survive this assault.

Yet, somehow, Noctis had awoke on the throne, gasping in pain, her father’s sword lying on the ground by her feet instead of piercing her chest like she knew it did. The pain was there, as well as scars and tears in her clothes, but there was no blood or open wounds. In disbelief, she rose, noticing that the Ring of Lucii had vanished from her finger, grabbed her father’s sword which disappeared into her Armiger and stumbled her way out of the palace, noticing how quiet it was.

The closer she got to the entrance, the more dread she felt bubble up inside her.  _Why were they not running to her?_

She closed her eyes as she was blinded by sudden light as the door swung out, birds chirping after twelve years as the eternal darkness had finally vanished, and the daemons with it. Blinking, she paused, stiffening in fear and anguish as her eyes lay upon the mutilated and bloodied corpses below. With a cry, she ran down the steps, tripping on the last one, crawling towards the first body which was once Prompto.

Her sweet sunshine. Her loyal and sarcastic adviser. Her brave, strong, and kind shield.

Dead.

And she was screaming until she could do so no more.

Ari Highwind found her hours later, sitting in the middle of Ignis and Gladio, Prompto’s head in her lap, staring at the clear blue sky with a blank stare, covered in their blood, completely silent.

It broke his heart to see such a sight. He let her mourn for some time before he had enough and basically told her to get her shit together because the people needed her. 

It had snapped her out of it, the Queen turning to face him with a heated glare. “I don’t care! My loves, my friends, are gone. Tell me how the fuck am I supposed to move on when they’re not here to guide and help me!" 

Ari had let her rant and lash out at him, the first time she had spoken in weeks, glad to see that Noctis still had that spark of life in her hiding under all the mourning.

"Walk tall,” Ari stated quietly, watching as she paused in her yelling, blue eyes widening.

“What?” she whispered.

“Walk tall, Queen Noctis Lucis Caelum,” he repeated. “Walk tall and be the Queen that the people need. Give them more hope that normalcy can happen once again. That the endless darkness will never return. That their Queen is standing strong, like she should be.”

She sniffed, eyes wet with tears.

He continued, expression softening slightly. “You may not see it, but you are a very fitting Queen. You just need to pull your head out of your ass and mourn them while moving on. I will not let you wither away like this any longer.”

It was a long and rough road but she did it with her friend by her side all the while. And she had gotten better, was getting better day by day, nightmares of the past her only tormentor.

Then this happens and every feeling seemed to multiply rapidly beneath the surface. If they asked, how was she to tell them of her relationship with them? 

Ignis was a human lie detector and being blind made him more capable of detecting falseness in one’s voice of that she was sure. And she had a feeling that he wouldn’t let it slide either.

_What was a Queen to do?_

Getting an idea, her feet started to lead her to her other place of comfort as she sought some solace, deciding to be doing something beside hiding under her blankets like a child.

* * *

The boys were quiet among themselves, each grieving for their lost friend and King when Ignis tilted his head, an expression of curiosity etched on his face. He hummed in wonderment, catching the other two’s attention. 

“What’s up Iggy?” Gladio asked, wondering what had caught the man’s attention.

“Do you hear that?”

They paused, Gladio and Prompto straining their ears but heard nothing.

“It sounds beautiful,” he breathed.

Prompto stood, interest piqued. “I wanna hear! Let’s go find it,” he grinned.

“Better than moping around.” Gladio stood with a stretch and a yawn, wanting to be doing anything else. “Lead the way, Iggy.”

Ignis did so, Prompto and Gladio only speaking up when there was an obstacle in the way, otherwise they were silent as the blind man lead them to the source of whatever he heard. It wasn’t long before they were able to hear the notes of a piano being played and as they neared, the keys weren’t the only thing they heard. 

Someone was singing along to the tune they played. 

They paused in the doorway, watching and listening to the ethereal and beautiful voice, the being unaware of their presence. 

_-black and white_

_I’m growing tired and time stands still before me_  
_Frozen here on the ladder of my life_  
  
_Too late to save myself from falling_  
 _I took a chance and changed your way of life_  
 _But you misread my meaning when I met you_  
 _Closed the door and left me blinded by the light_  
  
_Don’t let the sun go down on me_  
 _Although I search myself, it’s always someone else I see_  
 _I’d just allow a fragment of your life to wander free_  
 _But losing everything is like the sun going down on me_  
  
_I can’t find the right romantic line_  
 _But see me once and see the way I feel_  
 _Don’t discard me just because you think I mean you harm_  
 _But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal_

_Don’t let the sun go down on me_   
_Although I search myself, it’s always someone else I see_   
_I’d just allow a fragment of your life to wander free_   
_But losing everything is like the sun going down on me_

_Don’t let the sun go down on me_   
_Although I search myself, it’s always someone else I see_   
_I’d just allow a fragment of your life to wander free_   
_But losing everything is like the sun going down on me_

The last note rang out, the Queen’s hands falling to her lap as she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling. “Three men and their future Queen on a road trip. Feelings were bound to be caught at some point. Maybe caught even before that.” She gave a humorless laugh. “Funny, how they all fell for me and I them.” 

Blue eyes turned to them, Noctis’ expression full of sorrow and hesitance. “It’s why I find myself difficult to be around you three because you are them yet you’re not. And my feelings are still there and resurfacing, even as I speak.” She paused. “Forgive me. I may have said too much, too quickly.” 

The breath left her as she was tackled by Prompto into a hug, her sunshine boy crying into her shoulder, shaking. She did not hesitate one moment to wrap her arms around him in return, eyes closing as a lone tear slid down her cheek. 

“I can’t replace your version of me, but I can stay by your side for as long as you’ll have me. I just can’t stand to see you so sad, Noct.”

“I do not wish to replace your King so quickly.”

He shook his head. “You won’t but you can become my Queen.”

Ignis spoke up. “We will mourn in our own time but I think it best for us to keep occupied while we do so.”

“Besides,” Gladio crossed his arms with a grin. “Someone has to protect your sorry ass when you get into trouble.”

Noctis laughed, squeezing Prompto tighter, feeling him relax into her hold. It felt  _nice_. “I do give Ari quite a bit of trouble. I’m sure he would not mind the help. Plus, I have not found a suitable Shield that is willing to stand up to me when the time calls for it. Something about respect and being Queen. They’re all very submissive really. I would like to have some semblance of a personality protecting me.”

“You want some domination?” the tattooed man grinned.

Noctis’ cheeks reddened. “Not what I meant you fool.” The idea appealed to her actually, not that she would admit that aloud. 

Ignis chuckled and Noctis could feel the blonde man muffle his own laughter into her shoulder. 

“I hate you all,” she mumbled.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been awhile since that day in the piano room, the boys now aware of the Queen’s true feelings towards their counterparts and partially themselves. More than  _anything_ , she just wanted that camaraderie back, romantic feelings be damned.

She gave them their old positions, trying to give them some sort of familiarity in this new Eos. They each had to prove themselves to everyone else of course, Queen’s ruling aside. So Ari, let them have at the recruits with the Queen’s permission, and the two had watched each man proceed to kick everyone’s ass with little to no effort in sparring. 

Gladio had hardly budged with the hits aimed his way, effectively knocking three men out at once with a wave of his shield (a gift from Noctis herself) and knocking another man out with the blunt side of his great sword (yet another gift). Noctis had clapped in glee, never doubting the Shield’s prowess, causing Gladio to puff out in pride. And if he felt a certain pair of royalty’s eyes on his bare chest, well, more power to him. 

Prompto had shot at everyone’s feet with the new gun given to him by the Queen, even shot a round off near another’s head when they took one step forward, missing on purpose of course. But when someone managed to take that as an advantage for a distraction and grabbed Prompto around the neck, well, the blonde just flipped them over, one leg hooking over their shoulder as he brought them down to the ground with the ease of a skilled assassin, a dark look in his eyes before returning to normal, laughing in embarrassment at what just occurred.   

(Queen Noctis gaped, only aware of it by the snickering from her General whom elbowed her in the side. “Mind the flies, m’lady.”

She knew the blonde could fight, but had never witnessed such skills before. What else was sunshine hiding from her? Did her Prompto know such moves of ease? Judging by Gladio’s look and the stunned silence, he wasn’t aware Prompto had such moves either. With a stutter she explained to the annoyed Ignis what happened, leaving him quiet as well.)

Over their awe, Gladio clapped the blonde on the back, nearly making him fall face first into dirt. “Never knew you had it in ya, kid!”

Prompto chuckled uneasily, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, well…” he trailed off when he caught sight of Noctis staring at him in wonder, his face going red. 

“Prompto, that was… _wow_ ,” she said dreamily, a glazed look in her blue eyes. “Promise me you’ll do that more often, okay? Best put such skills to good use, no?”

“Uh,” he stammered. “O-Of course ma’am.” He nearly jumped as she placed her palm on his bicep with a squeeze.

Noctis smiled. “Noctis or Noct. Remember?” she teased. 

“S-Sorry Noct.”

Ari leaned towards Gladio. “They’re getting awful cozy, hmm?” he teased.

“I’m sure you know why,” Gladio drawled, staring at him hard.

“Of course,” Ari shrugged. He whistled at the two. “Get a room!” He chuckled as the two broke apart rather quickly, each red with embarrassment and sudden shyness, as murmurs and whispers went around the field from onlookers.

Gladio chuckled lightly as Ignis shook his head, a smile on his face. He rolled up his sleeves, an action that quickly caught the attention of Noctis, smirking as he felt the intent gaze on his form as he stepped up, catching the lance that was thrown to him by Ari, as the Queen had yet to gift him with a lance or knives as ‘none were perfect yet.’

He bowed towards his opponents, grip firm on the Dragoon lance. “Please do not go easy on me. I’d be very insulted.”

He stood, waiting for someone to take the bait, ears catching their nervous whispers of how hard can it really be to take down a blind man with a lance that he had caught with ease. He smirked, hearing the multiple gulps and ‘ _no! you do it!_ ’s before someone finally stepped forward. A rather brave fool if you asked Ignis as they feigned left before going right, Ignis’ other senses catching the movement easily after years of practice, tipping the lance to the ground and sweeping it around, catching the soldier off guard as they fell on their ass at the sudden movement, Ignis moving faster than they had believed. 

The soldier paled as the point was suddenly near their eye socket. 

“Anyone else care to test the blind guy?” he asked with heavy sarcasm. “No?” he asked once everyone went silent, unaware of the grins on his friends’ and Noct’s faces. The General was outright laughing at this point. “Then do not doubt that I am unable to do my job in protecting the Queen simply because of my disability. I shall remain by her side until the very end, eyesight be damned.”

Noctis stepped forward, grin still on her face as Ignis returned to her side, tossing the lance back towards the General. “Does anyone now doubt my decision for my personal Crownsguard?”

No one spoke up for no one was foolish enough to garner this Queen’s wrath. They didn’t know how powerful she was, but if her Crownsguard was this  _good and_ had the approval of Highwind, she would most likely be a force to be reckoned with, especially with General Ari Highwind at her command.

“Good. Now return to your stations!” she commanded, watching as the soldiers scrambled around except for the unconscious ones. She pointed to them, looking at Ari. “General, please teach them some manners for disrespecting my men like that.”

Ari chuckled darkly. “Yes, Your Majesty.” He bowed before stalking over to one of the downed men and kicking him in the side. “WAKE UP FOOL!”

“Your men?” questioned Ignis, eyebrow raised.

Ignoring the shouting behind her and the violence that was Ari Highwind, Noctis huffed, crossing her arms and tilting her head up into an ‘ _I am your Queen so you best listen to me_ ’ sort of pose. “Damn right.  _My_  men. I rule this land and everyone in it. Therefore,  _You. Are. Mine.”_ Her lips curled at the thought of them belonging to anyone else that wasn’t her. “I’ll fight the Six themselves if anyone tries to take you three away from me. And I’ve already fought Leviathan and Ifrit.”

Was Prompto glad he was on her side, seeing just a hint of the anger and power that dwelt beneath the otherwise delicate looking form of the Queen. Gladio was proud to serve for such a Queen that wouldn’t let anything be taken from her without one hell of a fight. Ignis was also proud, but damn the Six, he wished he could  _see_  such royal anger.

She dropped the act, adopting a smile towards them, nodding her head towards the palace. “Come along boys. I believe it is time to have you linked to me to summon your weapons at your disposal. And Ignis, I have the perfect weapons in mind for you.”

“I am honored, Noct.”

* * *

After a quick chat with her personal blacksmith of the specifics for the weapons she wished with Ignis’ input of course, they traveled to her chambers for a semblance of privacy now that the Citadel was a buzz with news of her new, personal Crownsguard. Also, she could avoid royal duties awhile longer and spend time with her friends, something Ari seemed to let her have instead of pestering her about said duties as per usual. 

Once entering her chambers, she dragged Prompto over to one of the plush chairs and pushed him into it, the blonde falling into with a small ‘ _oomph_ ’ and a laugh. 

“Eager, aren’t you?” Gladio commented as Noct knelt before Prompto, grabbing his hands in her own. He was unable to see the reddened cheeks but Prompto had a clear view, grinning at how cute she was. 

“Two years of searching for the perfect candidates, Amicitia. So yes, I am,” she huffed. “Now hush and let me concentrate.” 

She closed her eyes with a small hum, squeezing Prompto’s hands once, the blonde staring in wonder at their hands as a white and blue magic light revealed itself, shifting from her wrists to his own wrists, which were glowing yellow. He watched in awe as the magic danced around one another , seeming to greet one another before they finally began to intertwine with one another, both himself and the Queen now having a combination of all three colors circling their hands. Prompto was slightly sad to see them fade away as the Queen opened her eyes once more, a smile on her face as she released her grip. 

“Try summoning your weapon Prom.”

“R-Right.” He held out his hand, his gun appearing with ease like it had numerous times before. “Alright!” he grinned, watching as it disappeared back into the Queen’s Armiger.

She shifted so that Prompto could stand, motioning Gladio over to take his place. 

“A Queen on her knees for me? I’m honored,” he teased, only to jump in surprise as he was shocked the moment she grabbed his hands, Noctis grinning in delight. 

“Don’t forget who has the magic here, dear,” she purred before repeating the process, only Gladio’s color was purple. The purple was added to the yellow, blue and white of the Queen, showing that it was a success. With a nod, she silently asked him to summon something, Gladio effectively gaining his shield, the man grinning with glee. 

“Your turn Iggy,” Gladio spoke as he stood, Prompto guiding the man over. 

“Hello,” she began with a smile gaining one from Ignis in return. 

“Noctis,” he nodded. Once more, the Queen repeated the process, Ignis’ color being green, the green light eagerly intertwining with her mix of colors causing her to laugh. 

“Wasn’t expecting that,” she commented lightly. “Now try summoning one of my weapons.” 

Holding a hand out to the side, Ignis thought of one weapon in particular, successfully summoning the familiar Ultima Blade before it too disappeared back into the Armiger. Ignis’ brow furrowed, however, when the Queen’s grip tightened on his hand. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked, sensing her hesitance. 

Noctis took a deep breath. “I know not of how to tell you or when would be the perfect time, but best now, I suppose.” She paused, licking her lips in slight fear, mind deciding it was just best to put it out there. 

“If you so wish, Ignis, we can restore your eyesight.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but alas, depression is yet a bitter companion I carry. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The sudden stunned silence put her on edge, so Noctis began to explain.

“After...after everything and once I got myself together, I gathered Eos’ best surgeons and white mages to help the people who had been injured from the attacks on Insomnia, Niflheim, and Altissia. The white mages were able to teach myself Curaga since I was determined to help in these efforts as well. Also, because...because I wanted to be able to help others see again in Gladiolus’ memory.” She paused, breath hitching as she held the tears at bay, squeezing Ignis’ hands in return as he let her know that he was there. It helped her stay grounded to the moment.

“Of course, there are always risks. But I do have the best surgeons and white mages at my call and with their help, there has been an 85% success rate of being able to see once more. You don’t have to decide now, but-”

Ignis cut her off. “If there’s a chance that my eyesight can be returned then yes. By the Six, I’ll do it,” he breathed.

Noctis studied his face, seeing the hope there. She smiled, patting his leg. “Alright, I’ll make the necessary arrangements.”

* * *

 

 

It took a week for everything to come together, Ignis on edge all the while but anticipating the positive outcome that his eyesight may return once more. The lead surgeon had gone over every excruciating detail and possible risks with the four, but they each had high hopes despite the fact he could fall into that 15% unsuccessful rate.

After reconfirming that he did want this, Queen Noctis squeezing his hand all the while, as Prompto squeezed the other and Gladio, his shoulders, they set the date for three days time.

“I do have a request,” Ignis stated.

“Yes Mr. Scientia?”

He turned to the Queen. “I wish for you to be the one casting Curaga as they perform surgery.”

She was surprised. “ _Me_?” she whispered.

He nodded, giving her a genuine smile. “I have the utmost faith in you, my Queen.”

“Alright,” Noctis nodded. “I’ll do it.”

* * *

 

The day finally arrived after much anticipation, Prompto and Gladio each taking turns to hug Ignis tightly before he was off to surgery, each kissing the now blushing Queen on the forehead as she went to get ready as well as the lead white mage. There were a few other white mages as well, in the case that she was to grow tired of casting such a spell, but she was determined to see it through.

“See you soon,” grinned Ignis to the two men, all chuckling.

* * *

 

The next time Ignis awoke, he saw darkness causing him to start panicking. _Did it not work?_ He nearly jumped at the hand that suddenly lay upon his shoulder before relaxing at the familiar touch.

“Relax Iggy,” Gladio murmured quietly. “It’s just the bandages. Doc said you had to wear them for a few days before we could take them off. Let your eyes adjust, y’know?”

“Makes sense I suppose,” he replied gruffly, voice thick with sleep and dryness. He felt something be placed in his hands, a glass, taking a sip of the water given to him. “Where are Prompto and Noct?” he asked softly.

“Other side of you.” Gladio grinned. “Her Royal Highness lasted the whole surgery casting Curaga on you, with a little help from the other mages of course. She practically collapsed to the floor when the surgeons were done, completely out cold. Scared the hell out of us at first, but she’s alright. Noct’s still out even now and I expect will be for a bit longer. As for Prompto, well, our blondie is curled up next to her on the bed. That kid was freaking out once he saw her go down and wouldn’t stop until he could see with his own eyes that she was fine.”

“And you didn’t?”

Gladio rubbed his chin. “I’d be lyin’ if I said that I didn’t freak out either, though I was far calmer than Prompto.”

_Not by much_ , Ignis thought, hearing the waver in the man’s voice.

“Gladio, when it’s time for the bandages to come off, let Noct be the first one I see? I fear Prompto’s goatee may make me want to be blind again.”

Gladio laughed. “Of course, Iggy.”

* * *

 

It had been two days. Long and agonizing it seemed because Ignis wanted to know if he could see once more. The anticipation felt almost lethal. Though, he supposes he wasn’t the only one in that corner if the fact that the other three were painfully and patiently waiting with baited breath as the doctor began unraveling the bandages, stating all the while that Ignis was to take it easy and wear sunglasses for awhile until his eyes could adjust to the brightness once more, hopeful that the turnout was a positive outcome.

Noctis stood between Prompto and Gladio, having grabbed ahold of each of their hand in hers and squeezing it in anticipation, teeth biting her bottom lip in anxiousness, Gladio chuckling lowly as he gazed at the other two nearly bouncing up and down, the Queen of course with more self control than the blonde, _barely_ , waiting for Ignis to confirm what they were all hoping.

The bandages fell from Ignis’ face, his eyes closed, a small trickle of fear in the back of his brain that all their hopes were just about to be dashed the moment he opened them. “Gladio?” he questioned, remembering their deal a few days ago.

“Right.” Gladio nodded, tugging the Queen along with him as the doctor stepped back with a smile. Noctis was confused, releasing a giggly Prompto’s hand as she followed the Shield, blinking as his large hands landed on her shoulders, positioning her before Ignis as he shuffled around his bed so his feet were upon the floor.

A small and soft ‘ _oh_ ’ escaped past her lips, brain making the connection that Ignis wanted to see her first. Her fingers fiddled together, cheeks turning red at the realization.

“Right in front of you Iggy,” commented the brute man, squeezing her shoulders once in comfort before falling away from her form.

Bated breath left her lungs in a rush the moment Ignis’ eyelids opened, revealing a startling mix of the once vibrant green she knew with the milky white. Her brow furrowed. “Ignis?” she questioned lowly, watching as the man blinked, once, twice, before slowly traveling down then back up her form to gaze back into brilliant blue eyes. His lips twitched before settling into a smile, softening his face, scar be damned as it hardly healed during her casting, not that she minded honestly.

_She loved a man with scars._

“You are by far more beautiful than I had imagined you to be my Queen.”

Gladio boomed with laughter, Prompto right along with him as said Queen turned a bright shade of red, hiding her face behind her hands. Ignis tsked, hands lifting to pry them away gently from Noctis’ face, stating that it was rude for her to hide such beauty from the world.

“Heya buddy! Good seeing ya, eh?” Prompto chimed in with a grin once overcoming his laughter, his face popping into Ignis’ line of vision.

Ignis blinked, the smile still upon his face, as he took in the features of his beloved friend. “I must say it is good to see you Prompto. The goatee, not so much,” he teased.

“Ouch buddy.” Prompto grinned, hand to his heart in mock hurt.

Ignis’ attention was returned to Noctis as she placed a mirror in his hands, her fingers curling around his own, as she had it face down. She gave him a vibrant smile, his breath catching for just a second at the sight.

“I had feared that you might not be able to see for a moment as your eyes are an unusual mix of color of green and white, but I am relieved to know that such a statement is false. So now that we know that the surgery was a success, why not have a look at yourself?” she questioned softly, Ignis nodding.

They watched as Ignis inspected himself, fingers pulling a long strand of his hair. “Has it really grown such length?” he mused.

“I like it,” Noctis admitted shyly.

“Suits you Ig,” Gladio commented.

“Definitely,” Prompto nodded.

Ignis inspected his eyes, curious that they became such a color but thinking not much of it as he could see once more. He barely glanced at the scar that marred the left side of his face, a small sacrifice in the greater scheme of things, slightly self conscious about it, but if Gladio could rock his, why couldn’t he? His fingers trailed his jaw, humming in satisfaction. “Thank you Gladio for helping with the upkeep.” He glanced at the man, taking in his features for the first time in almost eleven years.

Gladiolus grinned, seeming to puff with pride as he had never once nicked Ignis’ skin with the razor. “Anytime.”

“Well,” Ignis began, done with inspecting his face, sitting the mirror beside him on the bed. “How about a little sight seeing?” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 8 is finally here! I’ll be honest, I struggled writing this one because it’s somewhat personal (you’ll see) but also because it’s influenced by an Ignoct fic I’m reading. (It's actually a [series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/869802) by Caelum (zanarkand). But here we go! 
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies!
> 
> Also, shoutout to the lovely jaciopara for creating [MY QUEEN](http://jaciopara.tumblr.com/post/170028951577/some-fanart-of-lonely-queennoctis-from-the)
> 
> I AM SO FLATTERED STILL
> 
> TW: panic attacks, depression, description of dissociation
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies!

The sight seeing turned out to be Ignis exploring the Palace grounds. Sometimes he was by himself, other times with either Gladio or Prompto, or both. The Queen was even seen to join him on his excursions, explaining to him whatever he asked of her. During those times, Ignis’ gaze tended to linger on the Queen more than the surroundings, not that she was aware of such a thing as she had become accustomed to countless staring what with being Queen and all. Anytime she were to look at him, Ignis had already directed his gaze elsewhere.

It was quickly becoming his favorite game, the Queen an unknowing participant.

Today, Ignis was wondering the Palace garden by himself, taking in the sight of the pink petals that fell from the cherry blossom tree in the middle of the courtyard, a sea of pink covering the otherwise green grass. He continued to take in the sight, just relaxing, not moving a muscle when Ari suddenly appeared, coming to stand beside the man.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” questioned the General, hands clasped behind his back.

“Indeed.”

“From what our dearest Queen has once told me is that her and her father planted it not long after her mother passed, as a memory to the previous Queen. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that it yet still stood despite the destruction of the castle surrounding it.”

“Magic, perhaps?” Ignis mused, recalling that this Noctis, at least, had more different types of magic than his King had.

Ari shrugged. “Perhaps. She never went into much detail concerning it. Still upsetting to her I imagine.” He paused. “Although, I will say this. If you can’t locate Queenie in the castle anywhere, chances are she’s in the branches taking a nap.”

“Duly noted,” Ignis replied, lips curling into an amused grin. They fell into silence before the tactician broke it. “I get the feeling that you have something to tell me.”

“More of informing you of Noctis’ current condition.”

That alarmed him, Ignis turning to Ari. “Is something wrong?” he asked urgently.

Ari glanced at him, a smirk playing on his lips. “It’s adorable how the three of you grow so concerned over her well being so quickly. It’s a relief actually. But to answer your question, no. She’s fine.” He paused. “Physically.”

“What do you mean?”

Ari sighed in annoyance, turning to Ignis, hands landing on his hips in an annoyed stance. “Like I said. Physically, she’s fine. But I’ve been by her side constantly these past few years and I can tell when her depression and dissociation are acting up. And now it’s happening which is why she has been scarce as of late. And I have a feeling that you three may be somewhat of a source for it, dredging up memories best left in the past. She’s handling this all rather well, which makes me believe that her episode may become one of her worsts once it really sets in. The reason I’m telling you,” Ari interrupted before Ignis could say anything. “Is because I believe you three are the only ones who can fix it.”

“May I ask why you are not going to help?”

“Noctis needs to discover and realize that she can rely on others besides me here at the Palace and you boys are my best bet.”

“Where is she?” Ignis questioned, feeling a sense of urgency as he soaked in the information given to him.

“Last I recall, she was in the library.”

“My thanks, Ari.”

Ari watched as Ignis took off, chuckling in amusement once he was far enough away. “Queenie, you’re lucky to have such faithful men beside you. May all four of you find happiness with each other.”

* * *

She was breathing too fast and her heart was pounding against her chest.

She was rightfully freaking the fuck out but she couldn’t stop it. She had kept the depression and dissociation at bay by focusing on paperwork that needed immediate attention or checking on the rebuilding efforts or training with some of the troops, but they had been so ignored and left unattended for so long, longer than usual, that it was suddenly upon her when she least expected it.

Much like the water wading from shore, being pulled out to sea, too far, only to build up into a large wave that suddenly crashed into her when she should have been paying careful attention. And now she was drowning, struggling against the unrelenting waves and current for air.

It had started the moment she sat in the comfy bean bag chair located in the middle of the large library, documents in hand, legs crossed and stretched out as one heel of her boots tapped the linoleum floor in an unheard tempo, the sound bouncing off the walls, the only sound in the otherwise quiet room.

She found it hard to focus on the document in hand as her brain decided to focus on the lack of sound instead.

_Too quiet._

Blue eyes shifted hastily around the room, body seeming to go numb as her brain went into overdrive with the silence as it seemed to grow louder. She dropped the papers, scattering across the floor, slamming her palms to her now ringing ears, breathing steadily growing harder to do as her heartbeat began to increase it’s rhythm in her chest.  

_Dead quiet._

_Blood soaked hands._

_Lifeless bodies lying before her._

_Her beloved friends. Protectors. Boys._

_Dead._

_Dead._

_**Dead.** _

_Screaming. Endless screaming until she could no more._

_Lifeless._

_Silence on the dawn of a new day with no hugs. No kisses. No cheering._

_Nothing but pain and crying and screaming and **blood**._

_So much blood._

_Was it hers or theirs?_

_Anger. At them. Ardyn. Luna. Dad. Herself. Everyone._

_Lonely._

_Lost._

_What now?_

_**What now?** _

_**What’s the point of going on?** _

Hands. There were hands on her face. Not hers. Hers were against her ears. And when did she get on the floor? Was that her phone?

Wait. That voice was familiar.

“Breathe.”

_How?_  She wanted to cry but was unable to. She concentrated on the hands on her cheeks. They were warm, seeming to chase the numbness in her face away.

_In. Out. In. Out._

“That’s it, Noct. Breathe just like that.” Reassurance.

_Iggy._

“You’re getting there!” Sunshine.

_Prom._

“Atta girl.” Encouragement.

_Gladdy._

She wanted the numbness gone which is why she shifted enough to rest her forehead on Ignis’ shoulder and grabbed ahold of one of Gladio and Prompto’s hands in her own. It was slow going, but the contact, the quiet and mumbled reassurances, and words of encouragement helped chase the numbness, the dark thoughts, the bad memories, away and focus on the present once more. They knew better than to ask if she was alright, watching as she closed her eyes as she inhaled another deep breath before slowly releasing it.

Noctis blinked as she sat back, feeling like she was back in control of her body once more,  releasing her grip on the boys as she rubbed her hands down her face in exhaustion. “Sorry,” she murmured, hands dropping into her lap as she reclined back against the bean bag chair.

“No need to apologize Noct,” Prompto chimed with a sad smile.

“Did Ari send you?” she asked flatly, feeling drained.

It was a strange sight. Normally she was focused and alert, words formal as well as her speech pattern, but now it was like their Noctis. Seemed that regardless of a different universe and experiences, Noctis was still Noctis in some aspects, gender aside. Made it feel a bit normal to the three men, having dealt with this monotone mood previously. A small familiarity in a new, strange world.

“Ari informed me of the possibility that you may be experiencing an episode. May I ask if you were dissociating?” Ignis asked carefully.

Noctis hummed with a sigh. “Yeah,” she replied, fingers twitching at the thought. “Happens now and then.”

“How much is now and then?” Gladio asked with a raised eyebrow.

She was quiet, unsure if she wanted to reveal such personal and private information. Even Ari didn’t realize how many times her dissociation actually occurred. Her attention was caught by Prompto grabbing onto one of her hands, squeezing it in comfort.

“We’re just worried is all,” he stated quietly.

She sighed again. “I’m lucky if I can go a week without having one. Unfortunately,” she trailed off before continuing. “That was the…the fourth one this week.”

“But it’s  _Wednesday_!” cried Prompto causing her to wince to which he apologized immediately.

“Why not inform us or Ari once it began?” Ignis asked, seeing Gladio’s stern yet worried expression.

She shrugged, avoiding the question. “Nothing felt real.  _I_ didn’t feel real.” She grabbed her phone that sat face down beside her. “Didn’t even remember that I pulled this out.” Unlocking the screen, she could see that the voicemail menu had been pulled up, showing the few saved voice messages left on the device. She stared at the screen unblinkingly, thumb hovering over one of the voicemails before pressing it, making sure to hit the speaker button.

_“Evening sweetie. I know it’s late and you’re probably, no, most likely are asleep but I wanted to say that I’m deeply regretful that we couldn’t spend time together today. You know how council business is.”_  A familiar deep, sad, and tired sigh.  _“But I promise that this weekend, we’ll get together and go do whatever you wish. A father-daughter day just like when you were younger, yes? I hear that the Chocobo Moogle Festival is being held here this weekend so we can attend that if you so wish. I know, I know. You’re not five anymore but can’t a father dote on his only child and her love of chocobos?”_ A chuckle and shuffling of paper. _“Alright, I should be calling it a night myself after signing these last few documents. And Noctis?”_  A pause.  _“Remember that no matter what, I will always love you and you make me so, so proud. Love you, my beautiful daughter. Good night.”_

**End of message.**

“Listening to one of those messages during an episode helps bring me back sometimes,” she commented after a few moments of silence. “But you three being here, well, it helped a great deal too.”

“Did you go?” whispered a teary Prompto.

Noctis hummed in confusion before smiling sadly. “Yeah. One of the best and funnest times I had with him. He may have beat my score at the  _Cacttack_  game but I definitely showed him up in the Chocobo races.”

“Sounds about right,” chuckled an equally sad Gladio.

“Indeed.” Ignis wiped away his tears. It had been so long since they had heard the King’s voice. His voice had been full of nothing but love and affection for his daughter, even with his sorrow at not being able to spend time with her that day.

Prompto suddenly giggled gaining three confused looks. He poked Noctis in the shoulder with another bout of giggling. “You stopped sounding so formal.”

She stared at him blankly before a laugh escaped her. “You’re right. My sincerest apologies.”

“Nah,” Gladio began, placing a hand atop her head and rubbing it affectionately with a grin. “No apologizin’. Gotta relax sometimes.”

“Even the Queen has to relax from royal duties every once in a while.”

She sniffed, wiping away the tears gathering in her eyes, touched by their concern. “If that’s the case…have you guys ever heard of the  _Assassin’s Festival_?”


End file.
